Master Of The House

Master Of The House
Sacha Baron Cohen

我這幫酒蟲
My band of soaks
我這窩色鬼
My den of dissolutes
我那些葷段子，我那伙爛醉友
My dirty jokes my always pissed as newts.
我這群蕩婦養的雜種，成天在我旅店裡鬼混
My sons of whores spend their lives in my inn,
小信鴿要飛回家
Homing pigeons homing in,
翩翩飛進來，四腳爬出去
They fly through my doors.
先生請坐

請隨便坐
Welcome,monsieur!
見過全城最好的旅店老闆
Sit yourself down.
其他老闆，都是騙子
And meet the best innkeeper in town.
一手敲竹槓一手做假賬
As for the rest all of them crooks,
哪兒能找到，我這樣的老實人
Rooking the guests and cooking the books.
心地善良的好紳士，甘心做一位
Seldom do you see,honest men like me!
旅店主任，最會討人喜愛
A gent of good intent who's content to be.
隨時隨地跟人握手擊掌
Master of the House! Doling out the charm
說個葷段子，搞些小熱鬧
Ready with a handshake and an open palm
誰能不喜歡，快樂開心人
Tells a saucy tale Creates a little stir
樂於幫朋友
Customers appreciate a bon-viveur
和氣不要錢
Glad to do a friend a favour!
可天下哪有白食，啥沒有個價碼
Doesn't cost me to be nice
旅店主人，動物園管理員
But nothing gets you nothing Everything has got a little price!
幫你減負擔，我來背銅板
Master of the House! Keeper of the zoo!
酒裡兌點水
Ready to relieve them of a sou or two
分量多算點
Watering the wine
趁人喝爛醉，順走小玩意
Making up the weight
人人都愛店老闆
Picking up their knick-knacks When they can't see straight
所有人的好朋友
Everybody loves a landlord
先討他們歡心，老天，再把他們吸乾淨
Everybody's bosom friend!
旅店主人，引你注意不錯目
I do whatever pleases Jesus! Won' t I bleed 'em in the end!
從不讓路人過門而不入
Master of the House! Quick to catch yer eye!
窮人的僕傭權貴的管家
Never wants apasser-by to pass him by!
知心人，哲學家，終生好朋友
Servant to the poor Butler to the great
每個人的至交，所有人的伙伴
Comforter, philosopher and life-long mate!
別忘了鎖好皮包，老天啊！免得我偷光光
Everybody's boon companion! Everybody's chaperone!
飯菜無與倫比！飯菜難以置信
But lock up your valises Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone!
放進絞肉機，就成牛肉啦
Food beyond compare! Food beyond belief!
馬的腎，貓的肝
Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef
香腸裡總得加點啥
Kidney of a horse Liver of a cat
歡迎長住旅客
Filling up the sausages with this and that!
婚禮套房客滿
Residents are more than welcome!
收費合理，附加些額外費用
Bridal suite is occupied!
蝨子收點費，老鼠加點錢
Reasonable charges Plus some little extras on the side!
鏡子照兩次，收費加兩分，交出來！
Charge them for the lice Extra for the mice
這裡揩點油，那裡減點料
Two percent for looking in the mirror twice
睡覺關窗戶，還要加三分
Here a little slice There a little cut
說到抬價格
Three per cent for sleeping with the window shut!
他的把戲才真多
When it comes to fixing prices
且看價格漲，積少成了多
There are lots of tricks he knows!
天啊！漲得多帶勁
How it all increases! All them bits and pieces!
我夢想過白馬王子
Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!
可萬能的主啊，你看我攤上了誰

“旅店主人，我呸都懶得呸！”
I used to dream that I would meet a prince
知心人，哲學家，終生大糞渣
But, God almighty, have you seen what's happened since?
壞水小腦袋，堪比伏爾泰
'Master of the House' isn't worth my spit!
自以為情場高手，其實是繡花枕頭
Comforter, philosopher, and life-long ****!
造化實在弄人，把我配給這蠢貨
Cunning little brain Regular Voltaire!
天曉得我怎麼跟這混蛋一起過日子
Thinks he's quite a lover But there's not much there
旅店主人，都是放屁
What a cruel trick of nature Landed me with such a louse!
知心人，哲學家，別說笑話了
God knows how I've lasted living with this bastard in the house!
窮人的僕傭，權貴的管家
Master of the House! Master and a half!
偽君子，哈巴狗和爛酒鬼
Comforter, philosopher! Don't make me laugh!
人人保佑店老闆，人人保佑他老婆
Servant to the poor Butler to the great
大家都舉杯
Hypocrite, and toady, and inebriate
舉到店主人屁股裡吧
Everybody bless the landlord! Everybody bless his spouse!
大家都為旅店主人舉杯吧
Everybody raise a glass!
Raise it up the master's arse!
Everybody raise a glass to the Master of the House!