blackout

Yeah, I was a nice kid
我過去是個好孩子
Grew up with a family and like them
和家人一長大也喜歡他們
Always had some food on my plate and a place to bite in
吃的上飯也有地方睡覺
But all a sudden its like a switch flipped
但是突然直接感覺開關翻轉了
Inside my head tellin me I dont deserve ****
腦海裡的聲音告訴我我什麼都配不上
Man I would wake up, and then I perch into the mirror
早上起來我會坐在鏡子麵前
Pick apart the imperfections on the person whod appear
挑剔鏡中的人不完美之處
Cuz I dont love myself or the way that I looked
因為我不自愛或者是不愛我的外表
I was a little fat and hated all that weight on my foot
我有點胖討厭我身上的重量
All that weight on my shoulders. Everyday just depressed
我肩上的重量每天都在讓我更加抑鬱
Everyday gettin older and everyday feelin less
每天都在變老每天都感覺更空虛
My homies like 'I can tell you got some **** on your chest
我哥們說'我能看出來你有心事
My mama drinks a little bit and said it eases the stress.'
我媽媽總會喝一點來減輕壓力'
And Im like aight
我就'好呀'
We walked to his crib and we stole the bottle
我們進了他家門偷了一瓶酒
I started feelin nervous but drank it then felt hollow
我剛開始覺得緊張但是喝了之後卻感覺很空
He dapped me up and said 'My moms about to be back
他和我握手禮'我媽要回來了'
But theres some more inside the liquor cabinet
但是酒櫃裡還有好多
We can drink tomorrow
我們可以明天一起喝
Im like 'Yeah, yeah homie. Dont worry its cool
我就'好別擔心這是挺棒的'
I gotta go to bed early so I wake up for school
我必須早點上床這樣我才能起床上學
But after that we gonna dabble in the greatness of booze.'
'但是之後我們要進入酒的偉大'
Then boom I blacked out
然後
I didnt wake up till noon
[擬聲] 我就沒意識了
Alarm ringing the bell
到了中午我都沒起床
My moms ringing my cell
鈴聲一直在響
Shes pissed off cuz she heard that Ive been drinking myself
我媽給我手機打電話
But she dont understand that deep inside Im drinking for help
她因為我自己喝了酒生氣了
I said '**** it, Im leaving. I dont need you to yell'
但是她不明白我喝酒是因為我內心想要得到幫助
I packed my bags up then crashed with a couple of friends
我說'算了我走了我不要你沖我嚷嚷'
Couple months have went by and still the buzzin wont end
我打包好了背包然後和幾個朋友住在了一起
I think Im more sad now then I ever have been
幾個月過去了這種興奮沒個頭
I need some stronger medication, so I called up a friend
我覺得我更難過了
I said 'Listen homie, all that drinking **** aint working man
我需要效果更好的藥物所以我給我朋友打了電話
Give me something else
我說'聽著哥們儿喝酒已經不管用了'
He like 'Chill I got the percocets
'給點別的'
Im getting more tomorrow if you like it you can buy them next.
他“我有止痛藥”
I said 'Deal.' Met in person then I tried the ****
'我明天去上貨如果你喜歡明天你可以買'
Within the hour Im loving the new thrill
我說'好的' 見了他後我試了這個玩意
Hit my friend back and said 'Could you cut me a new deal?
不到一小時我就愛上了這種新的刺激
I need all of the blue pills the **** is just too ill.'
聯繫上我的朋友'你能多賣點給我嗎
Im confused cuz his mood was prudent and too thrilled
我需要藍色藥丸那才是狠貨'
He was happy, that I been strugglin loss
我迷惑了因為他的情緒太精明了（這玩意兒）也太刺激了
Cuz he knew that in the end and it could double his guap
他很高興我在生活裡掙扎
Where my struggle would begin, then his struggle would stop
因為他知道到最後這會讓他掙更多錢
But I still bought all of his product when we linked at the spot
當我的掙扎開始時他的掙扎就會停止
So fast forward a few weeks, Im addicted to drugs
但當我們在現場聯繫時我還是買了他所有玩意兒
Somehow my momma found out and pulled me back from the thugs
快進幾個星期我對藥物成癮了
Moved me back into her crib and tried to show me her love
不知怎的我媽媽發現了把我從這些混子里拉了回來。
But I was numb and only interested in gettin a buzz
讓我搬回家試圖向我表達她的愛
And its ****** up, cuz she was only tryna be nice
但是我太麻木了只想要high起來
I didnt listen. ****, I left and I stayed out for the night
這太糟糕了因為她只是想做個好人
Man I went clubbin with my homies that were down for the lines
我什麼都聽不進去離家在外面過夜
Then went home the next day to make a mountain of lies
我和我敢吸'條'的哥們去了迪廳
**** I woke up around 3, heard a knock at the door
他們第二天回了家可勁撒謊
Then these voices started talkin, **** I heard em before
我大概三點起了床聽到了敲門聲
I couldnt put my finger on it so I had to explore
然後就開始逼逼叨我之前就聽過了很多
But on the table was the bottle that I left in my drawer
我不能告發她們所以我得找藉口
****
但是桌子上卻是我藏在衣櫃裡的酒瓶
My mom found it, turned around to see the family
艹
They all lookin down at me and they aint lookin happily
我媽媽發現了這東西回神看了家里人
Thats when I realized what the **** this is
她們都看不起我她們看上去也不開心
Yall are here to try to take away my substances
當時我就意識到是tm怎麼回事了
My mom reached forward then grabbed the bottle of the countertop
你們來這裡就是想拿走我的成癮玩意兒
She looked at me and said 'Chase, this has to stop.'
我媽媽向前夠然後拿走了檯面上的藥瓶
I lashed out and said 'It stops when I decide it will.'
她看著我說'Chase 這一切必須結束'
I grabbed the bottle from her hand, do not deny the pills
我受到抨擊然後告訴他們我打算結束的時候才結束!
And I ran up to my room
我從她手裡搶過瓶子沒有拒絕掉藥物
Grabbed the gun that I had hidden and a couple of blues
我跑回我的房間
Crushed the tablets on the table hit a couple of snoots
抓起我藏的和一些藍色藥丸
And put the clip inside the gun load it back and then
在桌上把藥丸弄碎然後吸了幾口
I see my family walking up to me
把彈匣裝上商湯然後
I wish that I could say Im sorry for this *******
我看到我的家人朝我走來
I never meant to hurt you
我真希望我能為這一切事道歉
But I was hurt and had to ******* leave
我從沒想過傷害你們
Its almost like they heard me ******* say it cause they hugging me
但是我太痛苦了我必須要離開
Oh mama you cant shake me awake
好像她們聽到我在說因為他們抱住了我
Stop trying, Im gone let it enter your brain
哦媽媽你沒法把我搖醒的
Your hearts gonna break, had every ******* thought on my face
別努力了我會讓這些深入你的腦海
But let you learn from my lesson so you dont make the mistake
你每次想到我你的心都會碎
Just tell my story and let them know that Im sorry
但是讓你從我的事情裡得到教訓這樣你就不會犯錯了...
I used to love the thought of death but now the reapers upon me
說出我的故事讓他們知道我很抱歉
And **** Im scared
我以前還挺愛死亡這個想法但是現在死神就在我頭上
Save me mom Im passing away
我害怕了
I wish I didnt put that bullet through the back of my brain
媽媽救救我我就要死了