Couch Potato

LookIf you had
One shotTo sit on your lazy butt
And watch all the
TV you ever wanted
Until your brain turned to mush
Would you go for it?
Or just let it slip?
YoRemote is ready
Eyes wide, palms are sweaty
There's Flintstones on the
TV already
Wilma 'n'
BettyNo virgin to channel surfin'
And I'm HD-ready
So I flipGarbage is all
I'm getting
There's Simon
CowellWho folks wanna disembowel
He opens his mouth
Always says something foul
They're dyin', wow
Wannabes are crying now
He votes them out
Time to throw in the towel
Shows based on reality
Oh, the humanity!
Oh, Ozzy's family
Sho' loves profanity
Whoa, the insanity
Oh, dogs that crap and pee
Home of depravity?
No, they live happily
YoPlus "Da Ali G Show"
And "Celebrity Mole"
Oh, and there's
Anna Nicole
Well, she's scaring me"Look ma, no cavities"
Oh, it's a station break
Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something"You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV"
They told me, they'd scold me
But I'd still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets
C-SPAN, TV-
Land, and
HBOThe Travel
Channel, Discovery, and
Lifetime (yo)"You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV"
They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off those music videos" (no)
I'm gonna watch
C-SPAN, TV-
Land, and
HBOThe History
Channel and
QVC and Lifetime (yo)(You're gonna)
My butt is aching
As I watch
NASCAR racing
That show about undertaking
Larry King
To "24" to "Law And Order"
The Weather
Channel's boring like "60 Minutes"'s ancient reporters
Next up on "E! True Hollywood Story"
The rise and decline of twelve actors named
CoreyShows for next fall, they've already been namin'"CSI: Boise" and "Touched By An Uncle" both sound pretty lame 'n'
So does "Everybody Tolerates Raymond"
And "King of Queens" jumped the shark the first minute
I can't believe
Richard Simmons ain't in it
I'll move right on to "8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenaged Daughter"
Then I bet
I watch "The Bachelorette"
Followed by "Welcome Back, Kotter"
And "The Muppet Show" where they go '
Mahna Mahna'"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, they'd scold me
But I'd still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets
C-SPAN, TV-
Land, and
HBOThe Disney
Channel and
A&E and Lifetime (yo)"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, cajoled me
But I still love
Lisa Kudrow (drow)
I'm looking at
C-SPAN, TV-
Land, and
HBOThe Playboy
Channel and
Court TV and
Lifetime (yo)(You're Gonna)
Never missed "Melrose Place" or "Lost In Space"
I've seen each "Amazing Race" and "Without A Trace"
But I only watched "Will And Grace" one time one day
Wish I hadn't 'cause
TiVo now thinks
I'm gayOh, and "Fear Factor"
I watched maybe a half hour
After that, felt like
I needed a long shower
Network execs with naked ambitions"Next week on FOX, watch lions eat Christians"
Like to tie up those programming planners
Make 'em watch all of that junk 'til their heads explode just like "Scanners"
Leech-covered grub-eatin' fools on "Survivor"
Look there's
James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of
Mr. Rob Schneider
And there's "Gilligan" and "SpongeBob", plus there's "MacGyver"
And Jay Leno has got
Madonna, hey there's
Luke Perry on a
Special all
Pig-Latin episode of "Drew Carey"
Wanna turn on "E.T." 'cause
I'm a gossip freak
And I gotta know who
J. Lo is marryin' this week
A 30 second spot
Then we come back to "Are You Hot?"
I was planning on recording "The Sopranos"
I forgotI love shows with or without a plot
I'll stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot
Because I only have got
One brain to rot
I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, they'd scold me
But I'd still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets
C-SPAN, TV-
Land, and
HBOThe Sci-
Fi Channel and
AMC and Lifetime (yo)"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show" (no)
I got it on
C-SPAN, TV-
Land, and
HBOThe Learning
Channel and
MTV and Lifetime (yo)(You're gonna)
You can watch anything you want to, man