Couch Potato (Parody of "Lose Yourself" by Eminem)

[Intro]
嘿，如果你有一个机会
Look, if you had, one shot
一屁股坐下，瘫在沙发上，把所有想看的电视节目都看一遍
To sit on your lazy butt, and watch all the TV you ever wanted
看到脑浆子搅都搅不动，你会把它紧握在手
Until your brain turned to mush, would you go for it
还是任其溜走
Or just let it slip
Yo
Yo
遥控器就位，准备好睁大眼，手心里沁出汗水
[Verse 1]
《摩登原始人》已经开演，威尔玛和贝蒂在聊天
Remote is ready, eyes wide, palms are sweaty
在各个频道里遨游，早就不是什么新手，高清预备
There's Flintstones on the TV already, Wilma and Betty
按下开关，净整些垃圾节目给人看
No virgin to channel surfin', and I'm HD ready
西蒙考威尔一入境，大家伙儿都想把他剥皮抽筋
So I flip, garbage is all I'm getting
他一张嘴，说的话都没法儿听
There's Simon Cowell, who folks wanna disembowel
那些人听了都不想活，选手们都要哭了
He opens his mouth, always says something foul
他把选手们都淘汰掉，倒霉孩子还不回家洗洗睡觉
They're dying wow, wannabes are crying now
有些节目是真人真事，人性啊你瞧瞧
He votes 'em out, time to throw in the towel
哦《奥斯本一家》里头的人哥哥满嘴脏话
Shows based on reality, oh the humanity
一家子都疯疯癫癫，他家狗也随地大小便
Oh, Ozzy's family sho' loves profanity
贫困家庭过的差，不不他们的生活可幸福着呐
Woah the insanity, oh dogs that crap and pee
哟，还有《Ali G个人秀》和《谁是内鬼（明星版）》
Home of depravity, no they live happily
哎呀怎么还有安娜·妮可，长得也太吓人了她
Yo, plus Da Ali G Show, and Celebrity Mole
“妈你看，没有蛀牙”（50年代的佳洁士牙膏广告词），啊加广告了呀
Oh there's Anna Nicole, she's scarin' me
趁这会儿去厨房热点东西吃吧
Look, Ma — No cavities! Oh, it's a station break
看电视早晚给你看傻
Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something
每个节目我都看，不管别人怎么说怎么骂
[Hook]
我的电视有C-SPAN、TVLand和HBO
You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
The Travel Channel, Discovery还有Lifetime
They told me, they'd scold me, but I'd still tune into every show
看电视早晚给你看傻
My cable gets C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO
别人训我哄我，“把那又唱又跳的玩意儿关了吧”
The Travel Channel, Discovery and Lifetime
不，我还得看C-SPAN, TVLand和HBO
You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
The History Channel和QVC还有Lifetime
They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off those music videos!"
你早晚......
I'm gonna watch C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO
屁股隐隐作痛，我还在看纳斯卡赛车
The History Channel, and QVC, and Lifetime
看了个叫《承诺》（PBS的一个有关葬礼的节目）的节目，《拉里金现场秀》我也在磕
You're gonna...
再看《24小时》，再看《法律与秩序》
[Verse 2]
天气频道无聊得跟《60分钟》（CBS一个政治评论节目，嘉宾都是一些年逾花甲的老政客）一个样
My butt is aching, as I watch NASCAR racing
那些糟老头子有什么好看的，还是换台看《E!真实好莱坞故事》
That show about undertaking, Larry King
“十二个名叫科里的演员之人生起落”
To 24, to Law & Order
秋天播的剧这会儿已经命好名了
The Weather Channel's boring like 60 Minutes
《CSI：博伊西》（Al杜撰的CSI续集），《与大叔有约》（Al杜撰的《与天使有约》续集）
Ancient reporters, next up on E! True Hollywood Story
听名字就知道肯定垃圾
The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey
《人人都爱雷蒙德》和
Shows for next fall, they've already been namin'
《后中之王》是不是该玩儿完了
CSI: Boise, and Touched by an Uncle
真是的怎么能不请理查德·西蒙斯呢
Both sound pretty lame, and
换台，看《八项注意之泡我女儿没那么容易》
So does Everybody Tolerates Raymond
然后我肯定会看《未婚女子》
And King of Queens jumped the shark the first minute
然后再看《欢迎回来，科特先生》
I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it
和《大青蛙布偶秀》，听一群布偶叽里呱啦
I move right on to 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter
看电视早晚给你看傻
Then I bet I watch The Bachelorette
每个节目我都看，不管别人怎么说怎么骂（哦）
Followed by Welcome Back, Kotter
我的电视有C-SPAN、TVLand和HBO
And The Muppet Show where they go "Mahna Mahna"
迪士尼频道和A&E还有Lifetime
[Hook]
看电视早晚给你看傻
You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
别人训我哄我，但我就是喜欢丽萨·库卓
They told me, they'd scold me, but I'd still tune into every show (oh)
我还得看C-SPAN, TVLand和HBO
My cable gets C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO
花花公子频道和Court TV还有Lifetime
The Disney Channel and A&E and Lifetime
你早晚......
You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
《新飞越情海》、《迷失太空》我每一集都看
They told me, cajoled me, but I still love Lisa Kudrow (oh)
从不错过一集《极速前进》和《寻人密探》
I'm lookin at C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO
但是《威尔与格蕾丝》我只看了一次
The Playboy Channel, and Court TV, and Lifetime
然后TiVo就以为我是同性恋（TiVo会根据观看记录向用户推荐影片，意思是自从看了Will & Grace，TiV就开始给Al推荐同性题材的影视剧），现在后悔的要死
You're gonna...
哦，还有《恐惧元素》，我看了大概半个小时
[Verse 3]
完了吓出一身冷汗得好好洗洗
Never miss Melrose Place or Lost in Space
电视台大佬们各个都有遮不住的野心
I've seen each Amazing Race and Without a Trace
下星期福克斯有个节目要播，狮子搏杀活人
But I only watched Will & Grace, one time, one day
我都想把制片人绑了
Wish I hadn't, 'cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay
让他们使劲看看这些垃圾，看到他们的脑子都跟《夺命凶灵》里那样爆掉
Oh, and Fear Factor, I watched maybe a half hour
《幸存者》里满身虫子还吃蛆的都是些蠢蛋
After that, felt like I needed a long shower
瞧瞧又是詹姆斯·利普顿在阔论高谈
Network execs with naked ambition
谈罗伯·施耐德（一喜剧演员，其作品大都比较低俗）的作品成就
Next week on FOX watch lions eat Christians
还有《盖里甘的岛》和《海绵宝宝》
Like to tie up those programming planners
加上《百战天龙》打个包
Make them watch all that junk until their heads explode just like Scanners
杰雷诺请来了麦当娜
Leech-covered, grub-eating fools on Survivor
哟，是卢克·派瑞呀
Look, there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre
德鲁·派里的《英语黑话》出了特别辑
Of Mr. Rob Schneider
还是想换到ET（娱乐频道）
And there's Gilligan and SpongeBob
因为我i就是喜欢八卦
Plus there's MacGyver
而且还能知道这周跟J-Lo结婚的又是谁
And Jay Leno has got Madonna
半分钟广告之后
Hey, there's Luke Perry
欢迎继续收看《辣不辣》
And a special all Pig Latin episode of Drew Carey
想把《黑道家族》录下来的，让我给忘了
Wanna turn on ET
不管有没有剧情，是个节目我都爱
'Cause I'm a gossip freak
会一直盯着屏幕，直到两腿麻，眼通红
And I gotta know who J-Lo is marrying this week
我就这么一个脑子
A 30-second spot
余生我要拼命看电视，看到脑子都锈掉
Welcome back to Are You Hot?
看电视早晚给你看傻
I was planning on recording The Sopranos — I forgot
每个节目我都看，不管别人怎么说怎么骂（哦）
I love shows with or without a plot
我的电视有C-SPAN、TVLand和HBO
I'll stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot
The Sci-Fi Channel和AMC还有Lifetime
Because I only have got one brain to rot
看电视早晚给你看傻
I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot
别人训我哄我，“把《奥普拉·温弗瑞秀》关了吧”
[Hook]
不，我还得看C-SPAN, TVLand和HBO
You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
学习频道和MTV还有Lifetime
They told me, they'd scold me, but I still tune into every show (oh)
你早晚......
My cable gets C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO
你想看什么就看什么，兄弟
The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime
You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
They told me, cajoled me, turn off that Oprah Winfrey show (oh)
I got it on C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO
The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime
You're gonna...
[Outro]
You can watch anything you want to, man