Princess Rap Battle: Dorothy vs. Alice

A:When you look into the mirror
I’m sure you’re distressed
Your book borrowed my look
You’re even wearing my dress
I been rocking this game
Since before you were born
This corny copy’s lost because
She ain’t in Kansas anymore
I'm surprised your garbage squad
Hasn't fallen apart
Yellow bellied, empty-headed
That one’s got no heart
Double killers, caterpillars
And a mad man in my crew
Put you on blast, I gotta ask
Who are you?
D:Well, I’m Dorothy Gale
And you’re on my street
Not a good witch, I’m a bad *****
Ruby kicks on my feet
Quirky stupid chicks
And nobody can stand ‘em
You’re that annoying girl shouting
LOL I’m so random
I got sense and sensibility
Like my girl Jane Austen
Wreckin’ your tea party
Like they did back in Boston
Word to your moms
I’m dropping L. Frank Bombs
Got more bars than Wonka
More composed than Brahms
Better say your prayers
T:We’re your worst nightmares
D:Keep dreaming, you’ll be screaming
Lions, tigers, and bears
S:Oh my!
D:I’ve come to free the land
From an olive hand
A beginning middle end that
Even kids can understand
In your sadness you wallow
Talkin’ rabbits you follow
Put a bottle near your mouth
You’re not thinkin’, you swallow
I didn’t make the mold
But I’m the one who broke it
I’m the better ******e
Stick that in your pipe and smoke it
A:No place like home?
You’re from a podunk prairie
Ease on down the road
Cause shiz is gonna get scary
What’s your battle plan?
I don’t think you understand
A coward, dolt and bag of bolts
Can’t step to Wonderland
Don't make me light up your friend
Cause he’s met his match
A stitched together strawman
That stinks like bandersnatch
You’re washed up and washed out
You’re fading, and thus
Click your heels together baby
And bugger off to Kansas
S:Who needs brains when you have
This much swagger
I don’t even gotta think
And I got moves like Jagger
I’m outstanding in my field
While you have mental lapses
Teaching crows how to murder
With my lack of synapses
Noggin stuffed with knowledge
Stitching rhymes so raw
Throwing shade at Oz?
Hay, that’s the last straw
Let’s have a heart to heart
You tart stealing tart
Alice, you’re so stupid
You make me look smart
T:Gimme that oil can
So I can get loose
I’m relaxing while I’m axing
Through your crew like a spruce
I’m a ten out of tin
The heavy metal playa hater
I’m heartless and relentless
Like the ******* Terminator
Got more joints than Snoop
Sippin’ mock turtle soup
Hell, I’m just blowing off steam
Like a chimney (Toot Toot)
I ain’t scared of ****
Cause I’m bulletproof
Throw your hands in the air
And raise this hot tin roof
L:Let me at ‘em
I’ll tear ‘em limb from limb
Smack a hat off the whack job
Make a snack of Tweedledim
You fellas are all yella
You ain’t got what I got
With a paw behind my back
I’ll tie you all up in a knot
Outrageous and courageous
That’s kinda my thing
Bow down to the crown
It’s good to be the king
Scurry home with your friends
Miss Little Bo Peep
A lion doesn’t pay attention
To the opinions of sheep
T:You wanna step to this duo
Cause we’re ready to battle
Dee and Dum are down to frickin’
Spank your ass like a paddle
Beg and plead on your knees
To the double trouble emcees
And if you don’t like it
You can tweedle-deez
These tale-telling twins are
Stopping, dropping, and rocking you
Choppin’ and mockin’
Snicker snakt jabberwocking you
Talk smack in our world
It’s off with your head
We go hard, pull your card
And paint your chest red
M:Today is my unbirthday
And it’s not cause I hate ya
Serving dishes and dissin’ ya
Cause I’m nutty by nature
My writing desk riddle
Can you tackle it quick?
It makes no sense to rap
Against a ‘raven’ lunatic
She’d be a Tea Party crasher?
This bastard haberdasher came to
Trash and slash and bash and
Put her ***** out to pasture
I’m a dastardly villain
Like a riddling Dillinger
Top billing in shillings
This milliner’s killing her
I keep my mug mean
I keep my cups clean
I’m the baddest maddest hatter
That the world has ever seen
Look at your face
You're so troubled, my dear!
Of course our raps make you angry
We're all mad here
D:Your sloppy story structure
Simply can’t be excused
Just like the audience
You spent your whole movie confused
Our adventure had a point
We found the man behind the curtain
I would ruin your whole world
But that's been done by Tim Burton
I’m slammin’ other damsels
While I’m spittin’ so speedily
Running rampant on these cowards
That are dumber than Tweedledee
We’re ferocious fierce and feisty
You’re a sleepy little mouse
Watch me smash and flatten *******
When I bring down the house
A:Oh, my story’s nonsense?
Yeah whatever, witch please
You’ve got funky flying monkeys
And apple-throwing trees
This home wrecker in checkers
Hits her head then it stops
Suddenly a bunch of runts
Start singing about lollipops
You’re as stupid as the scarecrow
With only half of his charm
This fool forgot these are the dudes
That freakin’ lived on her farm
You’re stressin’ cause you’re messing
With a verbal giant sweetie
Ya want to pick on someone
My size? Eat me!