Headlights

Mom, I know I let you down
母亲啊 我知道我让你很失望
And though you say the days are happy
虽然你说那些日子很欢乐
Why is the power off, and I'm fucked up?
但为何家里总是没有电 而我又为何飘飘欲仙
And mom, I know he's not around
妈妈 我知道父亲不在身边
But don't you place the blame on me
但请别把他的错归咎于我
As you pour yourself another drink
然后沉迷于酒精里不管不顾
I guess we are who we are
我猜我们改变不了自己
Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on
车灯照在夜路上 我默默驱车前行
Maybe we took this too far
也许在这条错路上我们已走的过远
I went in headfirst
我总是仓促行动
Never thinking about who what I said hurt, in what verse
从没考虑过我可能伤害的人
My mom probably got it the worst
也许之前我的歌里 妈妈受的伤最严重 咽下最多的痛
The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are
虽然人都很固执
Did I take it too far?
但是否我做的太过了
Cleaning out my closet and all them other songs
“家丑外扬"我还写了很多关于你的歌
But regardless I don't hate you cause ma!
但我不是讨厌你 因为母亲
You're still beautiful to me, cause you're my mom
对我来说你依旧美丽 毕竟你给我提供了生命
Though far be it for you to be calling, my house was Vietnam
虽然说你的脾气一直不好 让我们的家天天都如战场般混乱
Desert Storm and both of us put together can form an atomic bomb equivalent to Chemical warfare
天天上演沙漠行动 两人的争吵威力堪比原子弹 惨烈程度堪比化学战争
And forever we can drag this on and on
而且我们之间的斗争一直无法停息
But, agree to disagree
但求同存异
That gift from me up under the Christmas tree don't mean shit to me
圣诞节那天你放在圣诞树下的礼物对我来说一文不值
You're kicking me out? It's 15 degrees and it's Christmas Eve (little prick just leave)
你竟然要把我扫地出门 外面可是零下十度啊 还是在圣诞夜 （你说“你这个怪胎 给我滚”）
Ma, let me grab my fucking coat, anything to have each other's goats
任我抓起外衣离家而去 我们都在互相惹怒对方
Why we always at each others throats? Especially when dad, he fucked us both
可到底为何我们要互相攻击呢 尤其我那混账老爸 抛弃了我们俩
We're in the same fucking boat, you'd think that it'd make us close (nope)
明明我们应该是同一战线的啊 理论上这样应该让我们更亲近才对
Further away that drove us, but together headlights shine, a car full of belongings
于是我们一起开着车 装着家什往前走
Still got a ways to go, back to grandma's house it's straight up the road
离外婆家距离还很远 但终点就在道路前方
And I was the man of the house, the oldest, so my shoulders carried the weight of the load
如今我是家里最老的男辈 必须扛起重担
Then Nate got taken away by the state at 8 years old, and
我弟弟内特在八岁就被政府强行带走
That's when I realized you were sick and it wasn't fixable or changable
此时我意识到 你肯定是得病了 而且病情还很严重
And to this day we remained estranged and I hate it though, but
直至今日我们的关系依旧很疏远 我已有悔恨 但
I guess we are who we are
我猜我们改变不了自己
Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on
车灯照在夜路上 我默默驱车前行
Maybe we took this too far
也许在这条错路上我们已走的过远
Cause to this day we remain estranged and I hate it though
到今天我们依然疏远 我已有悔恨
Cause you ain't even get to witness your grand baby's growth
因为你见不到你的孙女的成长了
But I'm sorry mama for Cleaning Out My Closet, at the time I was angry
可是妈妈我很抱歉 在我愤怒的时候将家丑翻箱倒柜
Rightfully maybe so, never meant that far to take it though, cause
大概也许吧 我不该做得那么绝 因为
Now I know it's not your fault, and I'm not making jokes
如今我明白这不是你的错 我不是开玩笑
That song I no longer play at shows and I cringe every time it's on the radio
那首歌我不再公开演唱 每当它登上电台都心底煎熬
And I think of Nathan being placed in a home
我想起了被送进福利院的内特
And all the medicine you fed us
想起你塞给我们的药片
And how I just wanted you to taste your own, but
我曾多么想让你自尝苦果
Now the medications taken over and your mental states deteriorating slow
可现在你已是药罐子不离身的病人 你的精神渐渐憔悴
And I'm way too old to cry, that shit's painful though
我已经老得落不下泪 这特么太痛苦了
But ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan yo
可妈 我和内特原谅你了
All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both
你的一言一行 你尽力抚养我们
Foster care, that cross you bare, few may be as heavy as yours
养育的重任让你不堪重负 有谁比得上你辛苦
But I love you Debbie Mathers, oh what a tangled web we have, cause
但我爱你 黛比·马特斯 我们的关系真像蛛网纠结
One thing I never asked was where the fuck my deadbeat dad was
因为我从未问起特么我的破落老爹去了哪里
Fuck it I guess he had trouble keeping up with every address
吔屎吧 我觉得他根本记不住我们的各种地址
But I'd have flipped every mattress, every rock and desert cactus
但我会翻寻每一张床垫 每块岩石和每棵沙漠中的仙人掌
Own a collection of maps and followed my kids to the edge of the atlas
收藏一摞地图 追寻图上的每个尽头去找我的孩子
Someone ever moved them from me? That you could bet your ass's
如果谁敢动他们一指头 你可自求多福吧
If I had to come down the chimney dressed as Santa, kidnap them
即便我要穿成圣诞老人一样从烟囱里滑下 我都要把他们找回来
And although one has met their grandma
尽管孩子们只有偶然一次见过祖母
Once you pulled up in our drive one night as we were leaving to get some handburgers
那是在一天晚上我们去买汉堡包的时候 你在我们附近停车
Me, her and Nate, we introduced you, hugged you
我 她和内特 我们向孩子们介绍了你 跟你拥抱
And as you left I had this overwhelming sadness come over me
当你离开时 我悲伤不能自已
As we pulled off to go our separate paths, and
因为你在我们分道扬镳之际来到我的面前
I saw your headlights as I looked back
我回头只见你的车头灯
And I'm mad I didn't get the chance to thank you for being my Mom and my Dad
我很懊悔没抓住机会 感谢你担当了我的母亲和父亲
So Mom, please accept this as a tribute I wrote this on the jet
所以妈 希望你能接受我这一曲在飞机上匆匆写就的致意
I guess I had to get this off my chest, I hope I get the chance to lay it before I'm dead
我要把这一切掏出胸臆 希望有机会在死前吐露心声
The stewardess said to fasten my seatbelt, I guess we're crashing
乘务员让我系紧安全带 我猜我们要掉下去了吧
So if I'm not dreaming, I hope you this message that I'll always love you from afar
所以如果我不是在做梦 希望你能接收到我的消息 天涯海角 我永远爱你
Cause you're my mama...
因为你是我的母亲
I guess we are who we are
我猜我们改变不了自己
Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on
车灯照在夜路上 我默默驱车前行
Maybe we took this too far
也许在这条错路上我们已走的过远
I want a new life
我想重新开始
One without a cause
这没有原因
So I'm coming home tonight
所以我今晚回家
Well no matter what the cost
不管付出多大代价
And if the plane goes down
如果飞机出现故障
And if the crew can't wake me up
如果机组人员不能叫醒我
Just know that I was alright
要知道我是好的
And I was not afraid to die
我也不害怕死亡
Even if there's songs to sing
即使没有歌曲可以唱
My children will carry me
我的孩子也会陪伴我
Just know that I'm alright
只要知道我是好的
I was not afraid to die
我不害怕死亡
Because I put my faith in my little girl
因为我对我的女儿有信心
So I never say goodbye cruel world
所以我永远不会对这个残酷的世界说再见
Just know that I'm alright
只要知道我是好的
I am not afraid to die
我不害怕死亡
I guess we are who we are
我猜我们改变不了自己
Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on
车灯照在夜路上 我默默驱车前行
Maybe we took this too far
也许在这条错路上我们已走的过远
I want a new life
我想重新开始