Butterflies

I think Im in love
But Ive been feeling otherwise
These flutters in my stomach arent butterflies
But cutting knives
And not the butter kind
And if you listen close when she begins to speak
Youll hear a couple hundred sighs
And the collective shut of eyes
Letters linger on her lips like lullabies
I think Ive drowned a couple times
Inside her opal-colored eyes
She could do something as simple as sit down
With the grace of Olympic dives
A perfect 10 photo shutter finish on her cocoa butter thighs
Catch her wearing loose pajamas on a sunday
And shed overshadow any supermodel on a runway
When she wakes up in the morning
She smells like vanilla essence
And the bittersweet recollections of your adolescence
Summer camp and piano lessons
And presents you got on birthdays
Orange creamsicles and double plays on first base
And walk past her in the halls
And if your shoulders feel the slightest brush
Then you might melt to liquid gold
The lightest kind of Midas touch
Ive seen the way she drinks espresso during classes
And reshapes a paper cup into an emerald-covered chalice
Sugar packets pouring crystals
Napkin origami cranes
Gunning gorgeous glances to me through her Giorgio Armani Frames
Shes nearly perfect in
Almost
Every
Way

But shes got shit taste in movies
Ask her for her favorite titles
And she always likes to say
Shes down to go see anything by Shyamalan or Michael Bay
And also shes a psycho inthe kitchen - its a travesty
What kind of ****ing monster cooks their pasta in the microwave
And she does this thing
Where she corrects your grammar if its wrong
And clicks her tongue and winks and shoots a playful finger gun
As if shes won some sorta contest
Empress victor-of-a-conquest
Mrs. armchair shrink
Let me fix you with a comment
Princess kick you when youre down
Worshiper to a godhead
It seldom happens that she listens to my voice
And doesnt chime in quick with unsolicited advice
An unapologetic tyrant of passive aggressive rivalry
Ask her a question
And catch and handful of sass and irony
And trust me, she is just the worst at board games
Debates about the rules like legislators at a court case
Tampers with the scales of justice
Wielding pencils as her gavel
Once I even caught her cheating while she kept the score in Scrabble
Shes a ****ing wreck at checkers
Plays Monopoly sloppily
Always bringing up disputes in games of trivial pursuit
Sucks at Battleship and Risk
She fights better hand-to-hand
And dont even get me started bout how trash she is at Candy Land

(Like you cant, like you cant be bad at that that game yet youve, you lose all the time. It doesnt make any sense.)

But Im no adonis either
Fashion sense abysmal, Ive got two nirvana t -shirts
That I wear to formal outings
And Ive never owned a cardigan
Catch me buyin cargo pants at target from the bargain bin
Drink milk straight out the carton
Use my hands to scoop out margarine
Breakfast table etiquette makes up our morning arguments
And Im not a glass half full kinda guy
Shipwrecked, flags half-mast hull kinda guy
I never was an optimist
Not too good at compromise
The problem is my egos far too fragile to apologize
But she always calls me out
And takes me down a couple pegs too
Its always nice to have somebody close who double-checks you
And honestly, we wouldnt be ourselves if we were different
Yeah, shes clumsy and Im stupid
Those are things that we can live with
Being perfects unrealistic
Either way I like our flaws
The way I crack my knuckles often
The obnoxious way she yawns
The way I stutter when I flirt
Cause Im not very good with courtship
The way shes gotta pee the first ten minutes of a road trip
How when she cuts her pancakes its in slices, not in squares
The way my daily coffee intake is a crisis Im aware
The way I talk in crowded theatre
And the way she parks in parallel
The way she goes through pints of Ben and Jerrys salted caramel