Town Meeting Song

Listen, there were objects so peculiar
They were not to be believed
All around, things to tantalize my brain
It's a world unlike anything I've ever seen
And as hard as I try
I can't seem to describe
Like a most improbable dream
But you must believe when I tell you this
It's as real as my skull and it does exist
Here, let me show you
This is a thing called a present
The whole thing starts with a box
[HARLEQUIN DEMON]
A box?
[DEVIL]
is it steel?
[WEREWOLF]
Are there locks?
[HARLEOUIN DEMON]
Is it filled with a pox?
[DEVIL, WEREWOLF, HARLEQUIN DEMON]
A pox
How delightful, a pox
[JACK]
If you please
Just a box with bright-colored paper
And the whole thing's topped with a bow
[WITCHES]
A bow?
But why?
How ugly
What's in it?
What's in it?
[JACK]
That's the point of the thing, not to know!
[CLOWN]
It's a bat
[CREATURE UNDER THE STAIRS]
Will it bend?
[CLOWN]
It's a rat!
[CREATURE UNDER THE STAIRS]
Will it break?
[MONSTER FROM THE BLACK LAGOON]
Perhaps it s the head that I found in the lake?
[JACK]
Listen now, you don't understand
That's not the point of Christmas land
Now, pay attention
Now we pick up an oversized sock
And hang it like this on the wall
[MR. HYDE]
Oh, yes! Does it still have a foot?
[MEDIUM MR. HYDE]
Let me see, let me look
[SMALL MR. HYDE]
Is it rotted and covered with gook?
[JACK]
Hmm, let me explain
There's no foot inside, but there's candy
Or sometimes it's filled with small toys
[MUMMY AND WINGED DEMON]
Small toys
[WINGED DEMON]
Do they bite?
[MUMMY]
Do they snap?
[WINGED DEMON]
Or explode in a sack?
[CORPSE KID]
Or perhaps they just spring out
And scare girls and boys
[MAYOR]
What a splendid idea
This Christmas sounds fun
Why, I fully endorse it
Let's try it at once
[JACK]
Everyone, please now, not so fast
There's something here that you don't quite grasp
Well, I may as well give them what they want
And the best, I must confess, I have saved for the last
For the ruler of this Christmas land
Is a fearsome king with a deep mighty voice
Least that's what I've come to understand
And I've also heard it told
That he's something to behold
Like a lobster, huge and red
And sets out to slay with his rain gear on
Carting bulging sacks with his big great arms
That is, so I've heard it said
And on a dark, cold night
Under full moonlight
He flies into a fog
Like a vulture in the sky
And they call him Sandy Claws
Well, at least they're excited
Though they don't understand
That special kind of feeling in Christmas land
Oh, well...