Cleaning Out My Closet

Now, this might get a little personal
這可能有一點私密
Or a lot actually Parental discretion is advised
應該是很私密吧呵父母的決定總是明智的
When I was 10 , shit, I believed I could fly
我10歲時我相信我可以飛
I would just flap my fucking arms and meet with the sky
我會朝著天空張開雙臂
And in my mind I would invision I was speaking with God
假想我正同上帝對話
And then I chop his fucking fist off and beat him with mine
然後我砍下他的拳頭揍他
But this is just a fucking portion of the war with my mind
這只是我腦海裡這場戰爭的一小部分
So Im a take you fuckers back into the vortex of time
我要將你們這些混蛋拖回時間的漩渦
When I was 7 invision me at the bottom of stairs
想像一下七歲的我呆在樓梯下
And I silently swear that this is the truth no falacy here
我發誓這是事實絕沒半句謊話
See I was young man... I was just a toddler a kid
我當時很小只是一個幼兒
And he wasnt the first to successfully try what he did
況且他不是第一個成功嘗試他所做的事的人
He took me to the basement and after the lights would be cut
他把我帶到地下室然後關了燈
He whipped it out in sight of my eyes and forced his cock through my gut
他在我眼前脫下kk然後***（自行腦補）
See it was weird because I felt that I was losing my mind
這很詭異我感覺我已失去理智
And then it happened like it happened like milions of times
然後就這樣發生了好像這已發生過千千萬萬次
And I would swear that I would tell but then theyd think I was lying
我發誓我有說出這件事但是別人都認為我在說謊
And now the power that he held was like a beacon in mine
他做的一切已在我心裡留下了陰影
So now I got used to it, I put up with the shit
所以現在我已習慣一直忍受著
And now my hate was so Vocanicly eruptive and shit
憎恨在我心裡瘋長
But this is nothing cause I guess he told his friend what he do
但這還不是最糟糕的我猜他告訴了他朋友他所做的一切
And they ate it up shit I was like a buffet for 2
但他們卻幫他隱瞞我就像一份雙人自助餐（供他們無限享用）
And then it happened then at home where everybody fucking knew
後來又發生了這種事此後家里人都知道了
And they aint do shit but fucking blame it on youth
但他們什麼也沒做只怪是年少輕狂
Im sorry mom but I really used to blame it on you
我很抱歉mom 但我以前真的一直責怪你
But even you by then wouldnt know what to do
但我知道那時候你也無能為力
And now it happened so often that he was getting particular
後來這種事頻頻發生他都把這當理所當然了
And I more scared every time I worked in my speed and ventricular
一次又一次我越來越害怕但我會（盡量配合）讓這盡快結束
One night he came home and I was asleep in my bed
一天晚上我正在睡覺時他來我家
He climbed on top of me and forced himself between my legs
他爬到我身上然後。 。 。
He told me
他告訴我
'Hey ray, I see you like them popsicle sticks
嘿ray 我知道你喜歡吃雪條
So put your mouth on my dick and suck and swallow the spit'***（
自行腦補畫面）
And I was confused but I was scared so I did what he said
我很困惑也很害怕所以我按他說的做了
I had no idea the affect it would have on my head
我壓根不知道這回在我腦海裡揮之不去
My heart was pumping it was stumping with like tons of my fear
我的心帶著萬噸恐懼一直跳
Imagine being 7 seeing cum in yo underwear
想想七歲時你在你內衣上看到精液
I know its nasty but sometimes Id even bleed from my butt
我知道這很噁心有時我的pp甚至會流血
Disgusting right, now let that feeling ring through your guts
很噁心是嗎？ 現在讓那種感受在你腸子裡游盪
I thought of offing myself I thought of killing these niggas
我想過封閉自己我想殺了那些渣男
Wanted to take a fucking brick and push their teeth through their liver
想拿磚頭把他們牙齒推到肝裡（表示不清楚這種死法）
Wanted to smash like the fucking world and burn its leftover part
想要燒毀這個世界
Wanted to rip it out and just fucking step on my heart
想要喚醒自己早已麻木的心
Then I grew up and I wasnt within a reach of these men
後來我長大了遠離了這些渣男
But that didnt keep out of motherfucking reach of my sin
但我還是無法忘記我的恥辱
And psychologically I was just as fucked as they come
但他們仍在我心裡揮之不去
I was confused I had to prove I wasnt fucked from the jump
我不明白為何自己總想逃避抹掉這些破事
I was afraid of myself I had no love for myself
我很怕自己討厭自己
I tried to kill I tried to hide I tried to run from myself
我試過自殺試過隱瞞試過逃避自己
There was a point in my life where I didnt like who I was
有一段時間我很討厭自己
So I create the other people I would try to become
我試圖改變自己
Sexuality came into play and with as scarred as I was
我還是跟以前一樣害怕性
I was extremely scared of men so I start liking girls
我很怕男人所以我開始喜歡女生
I started starving myself fucked up my bodily health
我開始絕食開始自殘
I didnt want to be attractive to nobody else
我不想任何人喜歡我
I didnt want the appeal wanted to stop my own growth
我不想吸引任何人不想長大
But theres a fucking reason behind every scar that I show
我身上每道疤背後都有故事
I never got to be a kid so thats as far as I grow
我沒有童年
My mental state is out of date and thats how far as I know
我比同齡人都早熟
My biggest problem was fear what being fearful could do and
我最怕自己因恐懼而做傻事
It made me run it made me hide it made me scared of the truth
我曾因此逃避隱瞞無法接受事實
Im not deranged anymore Im not the same anymore
現在我不再精神混亂了我已不是之前那個我了
I mean Im sane but Im insane but not the same as before
我很理智但是我還是很瘋狂但不是之前精神混亂的那種瘋
I had to deal with my shit I had to look at my truth
我不得不處理這些破事我不得不面對現實
To understand that to grow you gotta look at your root
要明白如果你想成長你必須要了解自己的根（清楚了解接受自己的過去）
I had to cut off the dead I had to make myself proud
我打消了自殺的念頭我努力讓自己變成讓自己驕傲的人
And Im just standing breathing living proof look at me now
我平凡的生活著看看現在的我
I made it through everything I made you look like a clown
我已對過去釋懷我的釋懷讓你顯得無比可笑
Im fucking great k fucking hate you nigga look at me now
我過得很好但我還是很討厭你渣男
And Im just saying this to tell you theres a way from the ground
我只想告訴你們天無絕人之路
The makings of a legend is often hiden in thorns
成為傳奇之道總是佈滿荊棘
So just be strong and just move on and just accept what you can
你只需要前進堅強點清楚自己的實力
Because it makes your story better when you read it, the end
這會讓你的人生更精彩
Thats the story of every scar that I show
這就是我傷疤背後的故事
I made it out this a mean nobodys goten before
我用一種前所未有的方式講出來
I had to open my wounds I had to bleed till I stop
然而我不得不揭開傷疤如果我不停下來講血流不止
Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet
感謝你們傾聽我自爆家醜
I said I opened my wounds I had to bleed till I stop
我已揭開傷疤只有我停止了血才會止
Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet
感謝你們傾聽我自爆家醜