Untitled.als

“He just was in so much pain
“他歷經蹉跎
That he, you know,
他你知曉
took it out on his mom
離母
And took it out on his dad
離父
And took it out on his siblings
無姊無兄
But it's almost like he didn't—
一無所有
he didn't feel worthy
無望
because he was rejected
無助
And I don't know
我不知道
how anybody feels with
孤獨何感
having your whole family reject you”
家人反對”
“He was searching for
“他只是尋覓
whatever made him feel like
一切
he wasn't alone
讓他不孤獨的
And that he wasn't so different”
讓他不離群的東西”
“Well I know that
“我知道
some people will say that
人們背議
I treated him maternally,
我待他如子
took care of him
關心備至
But I like to think that
但我覺得
it was more I was trying to
我試圖養育他
nurture him rather than take care of him
而非照顧他
Trying to nurture
試著支持他
who he was and get him to
幫他尋找自我
let him do his art,
尊重他的藝術
let him do his music
尊重他的音樂
And encourage him
鼓勵他的心靈
to get better at it
讓他充滿力量
as opposed to trying to stifle him
而非壓抑他的天性
But also not
但
trying to be the mom,
也要待他親切
but trying to be a nurturing
盡力撫育
girlfriend—or friend”
成為他的朋友”
“So who would support him?”
“誰在支持他？ ”
“Me”
“我”
“And what would he do all day
“他一天都在做什麼
while you were at work?”
當你工作的時候？ ”
“It was kind of funny
“有點有趣
cause sometimes he would just sit there
因為他只是待著
and watch TV for four hours
看數小時電視
And you'd think
你想啊
he wasn't creating
他不會創作
But he'd be playing guitar
但他愛吉他
while he was doing that
當他如此
or think of stuff later and then,
或時而思考這些事情的時候，
you know,
你知道，
and you go out for a few hours
你在外多時
and you come back
當回來時
and there's a painting on the wall
牆上有著塗鴉
or there's a big comic strip—
搞笑線條—
or whatever ,
無論無何，
he wrote a song,
他寫了歌，
you know, recorded it.”
你知道，我錄了下來.”
“ He hated being humiliated.
“他覺得自己備受羞辱.
He hated it.
他討厭這樣.
And if he ever thought
如果他不亂想
he was humiliated,
不會這樣，
then you'd see the rage come out.
你會看到他發火
And he was very careful about
他也小心
and stubborn about
固執認為
how the way the artwork was presented
表現的藝術
because he didn't want to be humiliated.”
不想自我蒙羞.'

“他在家
“He's home.
下樓時
And he comes downstairs in his little
僅有內褲.
whitey tighties.
赤身裸腳
No shirt. Barefoot.
不整潔
Up and in his undies.
發不正
And uh—hairy dong coming out.
無他物
That's another thing
我看著不適
I got sick of looking out.
他就這樣拿著磁帶站著
And he's standing there with this tape
我我問他：
in his hand and I go,
'這是什麼？ '
'What's that?'
他回答，
And he goes,
'這是我的新專輯
'It's the master cut to my new album.
我能放給你聽嗎？ ’
Can I put it on the stereo?’
我說：`當然，
And I go,
放大聲點！ '
' Yeah! Turn it up. Up, up, up.'
聲漫耳蝸
Cause I listen to music really loud.
看著他，
And I look at him and I go,
'上帝上帝'
'Oh my god. Oh my god.'
我近乎哭泣.”
And I almost start crying.”
'就像，每周如此.

有時他會回來
“It just, every week it got worst.
我想藏起來
And sometimes he would come home,
真的糟糕
I think to hide.
他的身體變得疼痛
And it was really bad.
日漸消瘦
He started getting sores and
我深信他知道我了解
losing weight and nodding out.
我第一時間
I was pretty sure he knew I knew.
僅僅是面對他
That I decided one time to
我去了他的房間
just confront him.
他只是坐在床頭
And I went up to his bedroom.
他在哭泣
He's sitting on the side of the bed.
我才來
And he was crying
他知道
because I had just arrived.
我的心碎了
And he knew
我與他促膝長談
it was breaking my heart.
他淚如雨下
That I—and I talked to him about it.
他只是很羞愧
And he burst into tears.
....結束
And he was just ashamed.'

...end