Bars for My Brother

So many regrets
So many unanswered questions
I miss you...
Miss you so much...
Listen
Yo yo yo yo
I hope you're somewhere listening to this
I wish I knew why you did what you did
'Cause I still haven't really come to terms with the truth
There must have been something you were determined to prove
The lessons you taught me, I can't forget
But there's so many unanswered questions
Now everything seems meaningless
You lived fast and died young
But my brother you were a genius
How could you ever believe that you'll survive
I don't care what they say, that *******t was suicide
I won't lie, there was much distance between you and I
I should've told you not to do it, don't be stupid (why?)
You've got looks, got brains and your future's bright
Now you're gone I feel like I'm gon ' lose my mind
I never thought you'd get yourself organised
I wish we saw the signs, the shock left us all traumatised
These are awful times, and I need more than rhymes
' Cause this was more than a tragedy
You can't just cheat the forces of gravity
You left me here to hold a brave face supporting the family
In a way you were dying to live
It's ******* up man, I'm crying while I'm writing this *******t
Water from my eyes is stopping me from lighting my spliff
Why didn't you realise that your life is a gift
Mum and Dad don't understand why they've outlived their son
Every single CD, Mix Tape and Album to come
Is dedicated to none other than my blood brother
But I hate you, for the way you made my Mum suffer
Words can't explain, how a certain part of my heart hurts with the harshest pain
Last time we spoke, we said we weren't brothers and we aren't the same
I told myself you were too far past insane
How could we not take your death badly
I just asked mum and she said your name meant happy
But my soul is too cold to laugh
My heart bleeds when I'm looking at your old school photograph
I wish that I could touch your beautiful flesh
I'm writing but we ain't even had the funeral yet
Now death is something, that I'm staying ever ready for
You had plenty more to give, you weren't even 24
I don't understand why you had to die
In a lot of rappers rhymes, death is glamorised
Not me, I'll always stay remembering you
I should've known this was something you'd eventually do
When you got *******ved, we should've known it was bad
The next day I was sitting here consoling my Dad
It's like a nigh*******are, it still doesn't seem real
But this is my life, not some ******* deep film
It's the strange feeling I felt in the late night
Witnesses said that you fell from a great height
Can't be my brother man, tell me it ain't right
Right now I'd rather blaze, we could face life
*******t what a waste, what a shame
I just gotta make sure your life wasn't lost in vain
This is my brother, not just a departed friend
So hard for my marge and them to start again
From now on our lives will never be the same
We holding on too tight for the memories to fade
24 years was hardly a life
On the day you passed, it's like a partof me died
I've been scarred many times but this pain is so much worse
And it's so much harder to describe
You will still be missed
I'm sorry we didn't support you, we thought we did
I wish I broke your leg so you couldn't jump
Now all I can do...is rep your ******* name like I should've done
'Cause it's only right
I'm still not sleeping, but now I'm seeing your ghost at night
We all wish we could've stopped you
I know I can't go back in time now, but I want to
It's like a tightened knot that I can't undo
Why did I have to lose you to realize I loved you
Be careful what you wish for, in case it comes true
Right now I'm confused, feeling so subdued
When they arrested you, they wanted to section you
The only thing we did wrong was going and getting you
Next morning you was up , not doing what you was meant to do
That wasn't the life that you were meant to have
That wasn't the way that it was meant to be
You were sick, not physically but mentally
I still ain't got a fraction of this *******t off of my chest
All that goes through my mind is them constant regret
Why why why did you die for no reason
All of a sudden the weathers cold its so freezing
Have you ever head the saying, when it rains it pours
Don't ever try to tell me my pain is the same as yours
' Cause it's not, and everything isn't what it seems
I'm pinching myself but I know that this is not a dream
Why did you have to do that, this isn't fair
Listen my brother, never think that I didn't care
There's no words to describe theway that this feels
Now I can clearly separate the fake from the real
Why did everyone else have to be bro
I still can't quiet believe that you're actually gone
Just 5 days , 5 days and it feels like the same day
******* ain't helping but I need it just to maintain
'Cause the bleak reality is terrible
And last night mom was practically hysterical
People I thought would care, couldn't care less
I need a lot of support 'cause I'm feeling bare stressed
And everyone else seems immature
I'm being tested, thinking what is there left that I'm living for
I need to clear my thoughts, stop thinking and try n breathe
Just a week ago I was so innocent and naive
Now my insides are burning like hells flames
I've realized up until now I've never felt pain
It's so evident that everything I cared about before was so irrelevant
There's certain people that call when they see that this ****** *t is hurting
But I see them for what they are now 'cause I'm a different person
R.I.P.
I miss you...
In fact ******* R.I.P
I want you to live through me
Live through me...
Live through me...
Live...through...me...