Don't You Want To Share The Guilt?

Barbecue food is good

You invite me out to eat it I should go

But I'm feeling kinda nervous

And not quite myself

So I'm running late on purpose
And I know this won't help

How things have become between us
If I go you'll give me help

And that I don't know how to fix it is making me unwell

But I arrive at your house but you've just got up

And you are wearing a towel and your eyes look dark

I help to dry your body and I see your cut

So I give you a plaster and we cover it up

I say have you been crying and you say shut up

So we sit in the garden and touch grass with our hands

The sun is going down now and it's been okay

You tell me all the things you did while I was away

And this worries me so much

You say you're fine

Listen can you hear it

If you speak will I feel it

Will it hurt

And I knew it

I don't know

I don't know how all people haven't got mental health problems

Thinking is one of those stressful things I've ever come across
And not being able to articulate what I want to say drives me crazy
I think I should read more books and learn some new words
My sister used to read the dictionary I'm going to start with that

I'd like to travel
I want to see India and the pyramids a whale
And that race with all the bicycles in France

I'm not sure about rivers they scare me
But I love swimming I'm good at it
When I swim I count the laps and this helps me with numbers

When I was younger I saw a house burnt down
And I walked past it for the next six years
Derelict black chalky and dangerous I wondered if squatters lived there
Still not sure but I know there were not any parties COZ they were shit
After a while the council got round to tidying up the town
They say it was a nice sore so they threw it down
Behind the house there was a wall
With a few bits of crappy graffiti
And the word cunt written on it in massive letters and I walked pass that
I like sitting in the park and I like walking through it
I like taking my dogs there and friends and I like being alone
I like being able to shout but I wish I could be quiet
But when I'm quiet people think I'm sad and usually I am

Sometimes when I'm at a busy train station somewhere
Big with noisy trains like kings cross
I feel like putting down my bags and shouting out because
I have something to say

Don't you want to share the guilt

Don't think just try and sleep