Everyone Hates His Parents

JASON: Just look at me, I'm a world-class traveler
Each Friday night, travel, travel, travel
From her house to his house
First take the 104, with my computer
I'm just a little kid, not a commuter
And each Sunday night, mother comes to get me
And I hear them fight
Everybody's yelling about the bar mitzvah
It's not a wrestling match, why are they sweating
It's not a funeral, what's so upsetting
It's a celebration
Where I get presents
But everybody's yelling and everybody's ruining it
It's a celebration
Where I get richer
But everybody's yelling and everybody's ruining it
Everybody's ruining it!
Why, oh, why
What have I done that
They'd ruin my bar mitzvah
ALL: What have I done that
They'd ruin my/the bar mitzvah
TRINA: I want the Applebaums. They're lovely and they like me.
MARVIN: They're boring, she just like the way you dress
MENDEL: Well, who wouldn't?
TRINA: Have the Applebaums
MARVIN: Screw the Applebaums
JASON: Please don't do this
MARVIN: Saul's a jerk
TRINA: Just have them
MARVIN: Nix them
MENDEL: Long live the Applebaums! Arguing takes work!
JASON: I hate this.
MARVIN: Blame her, it is all a waste
TRINA: You're gonna blame me? You have paintings of d*cks! Don't talk to me about taste
JASON: Stop! I don't want a bar mitzvah. Okay? I don't want a bar mitzvah!
MARVIN AND TRINA: What do you mean you don't want a bar mitzvah?×2
How do you think we, how do you think we, how do you think we feel about that?
MENDEL: Jason, I am agitato grande.
Jason, I am muy disgutante,
And muy disappointe, and muy naseatus,
And me mitzraim hotzionoo dayenu!
Everyone hates his parents, don't be ashamed.
You'll grow up, you'll come through, you'll have kids, and they'll hate you too!
Oh, everyone hates his parents,
But, I confess,
You grow up, you get old, you hate less!
JASON: But I don't want it.
Nothing that gives them pleasure, I'll do.
I don't want a bar mitzvah！
Stupid bar mitzvah,
Any bar mitzvah. Would you?
MENDEL: Everyone hates his parents.
That's in the Torah!
It's what history shows!
In fact, God said to Moses, 'Moses, everyone hates his parents. That's how it is! '
And God knew because God hated his!
MARVIN: You are gonna kill your mother.
Don't feel guilty, kill your mother.
Rather than humiliate her,
Killing your mother is the merciful thing to do.
TRINA: Jason, darling, don't get nervous. I'm right here and at your service.
Look, I'm calm and self-deluded,
Grateful cause I hope you'll do what I pray you'll do.
MARVIN: Go ahead and kill your mother.
TRINA: Not with guns, but kill your mother.
MARVIN AND TRINA: Rather than humiliate her, killing your mother is the merciful thing to do.
MENDEL: Oh my god.
Everyone hates his parents.
Now I see why! But in time, they'll cool out
And you'll think, 'They were only fooling'.
It's a strange thing about parents,
Push comes to shove,
What was hate becomes more or less love!
MARVIN AND TRINA: Jason, please see a psychiatrist.
MENDEL: (speaking) I'm a psychiatrist! Get lost!
(singing) Everyone hates his parents! This too shall pass! You'll grow up,
JASON: I'll come through, I'll have kids,
MENDEL: And they'll hate you too!
MENDEL AND JASON: Oh, everyone hates his parents!
MENDEL: But, kid, I guess
You'll grow up,
JASON: I'll grow up,
MENDEL: You'll get old,
JASON: I'll get old,
MENDEL AND JASON: And hate less! And hate less!