Rageless Hope

When I was 17, my only dream was cashin' the checks
Sick of collect calls and withdrawals was a cause and effect
'Til mom interjects, "Sorry boo, your father's calling you
To follow up to say he never follows through," what a mess
Smoke a bowl and say, "What's goin' on?"
Callin' from a burner phone, I know he goin' through it
I can tell because his tone is off
He asks me, "How is college? Prolly get your masters instead of owning your masters
You gon' waste your knowledge if you don't act fast
Ungrateful bastard, you need to take action to get back to your classes
Opportunities pass and everything in moderation and duе time
You'll do fine"
He still havin' mood swings off thе moonshine
I rather pay my dues in music, movies, fashion
Instead of stolen Buick's and hoopty crashin'
In fact, I ain't been to church in a minute
The hourglass been tickin', I been trippin' off the shroomies and acid
Lackin' the vision, the head on collision with myself though
And reflecting on all this shit I planned out
Oh, oh
You would never hear a seed push through the ground
I wish I told you I hate you for leaving, but that would mean I used to love you
How could I give love to a person that only gave me trouble?
'Course you gave me life and supported me for a stretch
Even fought for me in the courts when you knew you wasn't the best
But at best, we'll make amends, and at sixty, you'll be my friend
'Cause this spot of father's been taken since before my mama's death
I give portions of me (What's left?) Liquor poured (Like it's a test)
I am more than what you named me, I'm sorry
Damor been dead since the day I came to realize that you never got your shit together
I ***' hope I get my shit together
Disgusted with the semblance that we share, feelings mixed together
Life has been a ****, but we still left up in this **** together
Mom would want it, that's after all the nonsense and violence you put her through
'Cause she was ********** awesome
Otherwise, these feelings wouldn't be talking
I'm trying love and acceptance, so pick it up when I call Vegas
Oh, oh
You would never hear a seed push through the ground
Ayy, yeah-ayy
Lost a lot of light and couldn't find me that bright side
My life's a struggle when every day movin' down
But I been stuck on why she claim I’m her lifeline
I never know what I should do
So I'ma go and pour a drink for this call, watching the walls
When everything in moderation slips and it falls, dipped and involved
She say she facing 21, but didn't do it
That's about the time it took to notice me, so what you doin'?
I got missed calls, missed texts, I ain't appreciate it
Got me smokin' lonely, inebriated
I had to go and beat the betas, mind becoming alpha
I only smoke for that nostalgia
And the reasons to live are getting stronger for me
I tried to smoke a little less, the days were longer for me
Never knew if I could make it out the gutter, I did that
A couple broken memories, I'm never gon' miss that
Real change, it always sounds so quiet
You would never hear a seed push through the ground
Real change, it always sounds so quiet
You would never hear a seed push through the ground
Real change
It always sounds so quiet (Ohh)
You would never hear a seed push through the ground ?”