Dreaming Or Sinking

I tried looking into her eyes to make sense of my own life,
我试着从她的眼光里找寻生活的意义
But found senseless realisations, I was reckless and she was justification;
但却一无所获，我开始变得鲁莽，而她也开始对我百般推脱
A vacation from the monotony I lived in.
这是我单调生活里的一道彩虹
And avoiding risk felt nice until I realized, I was avoiding purpose.
在我发现我逃避的是风险的时候，我所逃避的却是她的目标
And it’s all new but I love her,
任凭世间万物如何变化，我爱她的心从未改变
At least I think because I don’t want to live so empty.
至少我这么做是为了填补我内心的空虚
And I have this tendency to complicate things better than I break things and she was somehow caught in the in between.
而且我让事物变得复杂的趋势比我破坏事物的趋势要好多了，她却莫名其妙地困在我俩的关系之间
And forever means forever and that’s what it will always mean.
永远就是永远，长久如此
And life is a reality except for when it’s a dream.
生活啊，不是现实即是虚幻
And those are the moments that I can’t seem to think,
这些东西看起来都好像不可理喻
But I make sense of my mess by making sense of her and me.
但我却试图用找到我和她之间意义的方式在混乱不堪的生活里找寻着生活的意义
And this fear keeps me alive,
我知道她随时会离开我，这种恐惧
This fear of knowing that she could leave me.
是我活下去的动力
And I could try.
我也会尽力尝试
But this fear fuels the flames,
但这种感觉却如同火上浇油
That’s why I feel like I’m going to die.
让我感觉万箭穿心
Cause she kept a part of me close by and I liked it the best I can.
因为她心里一直有我，我也喜欢这种感觉
And now that I know who I used to be it’s hard to be happy with who I am.
现在我知道我的人格和过去的我根本无法和睦相处
And that’s where she came in.
都是因为她
A half-baked smile and a love to pretend,
虚伪的爱恋和职业的假笑
But prior to then, love was nothing more to me than a vacation,
但是在此之前，爱情对我来说还不如一个假期重要
A vacant motivation,
一种空虚的积极性
To avoid the means it takes to reach any real end.
去逃避一切可能让我认清自我的结果
A sense of salvation,
一种被拯救的感觉
But also an element of bitter hope,
也是苦痛希望的组成部分
To cope with the rope that was tied around my neck.
去拿下套在我脖子上的夺命绳索
And the saviour I hoped for was chased away,
我寄予希望的救世主却逃走了
Way back then,
当时
When I found vices to take the place of all the things I wanted to be.
当我发现我的梦想是那么恶名昭著的时候
And I lost sight of me,
我也迷失了自己
But I was told I could be anybody.
但是我能拥有梦想
And I thought I could find purpose in loving someone who looks like me
而且我能找到去和一个神似自己的人坠入爱河的目的
And I began dreaming or sinking,
我开始堕落了
Most nights they meant the same thing.
日思夜想，夜不能寐
And when that salvation finally found me,
当救世主找到我
]It was traded away for thirty pieces of silver.
却被像银子一样，分成十三块卖掉了
Seems like that’s not too much I guess but I sold my saviour for a whole lot less.
就好像我所认为的，出卖我的救世主一样，什么都没有了
My two best friends,
我的两个好朋友
Acceptance and a mirage of fake happiness.
对于虚假快乐的幻想和最终接纳
And now the words I use to cling to as my refuge,
我曾经一度认为能作为我避风港的那些话
Now torture me in my head.
现在却每时每刻都在折磨着我
Forgive them father they know not what they do,
主啊，原谅他们吧，他们是无心的
It’s funny cause it seems like I did every time I lied to you.
就好像我的的确确每次都在对你撒谎一样令人发笑
And that’s my only truth,
但那却是我唯一的真话
That I can’t sleep at night
我夜不能寐
And I can’t get these things right,
我做不对啊
And salvation escaped when she came into view.
当她来看我的时候，我的救世主就离开了
And now I’m hoping my whole life isn’t mistaken as you,
现在我希望我的全部生活别像你一样样误入歧途就好了
But there’s no way of knowing,
谁都不知道
When all I’m doing is coping.
我这么做都是为了
With my own pride.
骄傲的自己
And my past would fight with me hoping I would find truth,
而且我的过去一定会和我寻找真理的希望作斗争
But it’s never a good idea to start a fight with a man who has nothing to lose,
但是和一个一无所有的人去争，去斗，永远都不是一个好主意
And I’m empty.
我开始空虚
My heart is caving in.
我的心碎了
And for whatever reason,
不管什么理由
I finally let somebody in.
最终ta来了
And I don’t know what love is.
我不知道什么是爱
But I’m growing.
但是我成长了